So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
