what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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