I'm lost and stupid without you.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
