We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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