You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so let's talk penis.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
being pregnant is like rehab
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
