I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
