I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
