Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
