I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
