I am puke
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
