You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I met the friendliest cop last night
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
