Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
