I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
