So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
