I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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