She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
