I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
