o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Success! We fucked roommates!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize