My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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