Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
