She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
