Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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