I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
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It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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