dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
