life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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