you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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