I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
