I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
