As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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