if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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