shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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