dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
What drink are we having for lunch?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
