i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
