Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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