3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
