Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
This girl is more easily done than said...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
