I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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