I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
