is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
