Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
