you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
