I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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