can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
