Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
