If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
