omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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