I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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