you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
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Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
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I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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