all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
