Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
