if you like me you must not know who I am
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize