well I can't set my house on fire every night
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
