I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
