i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
