There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I stole a fireplace last night.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
