I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
