just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
