We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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