somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
