HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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