I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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