so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
