We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
