What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
