She is in my trunk
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
