just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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