make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
